Thursday, February 4, 2010

Episode 4: Max :(

Sorry I haven't posted in a while its been a rough time for em recently. If you read my other enteries you may have recalled that I had a friend called Charlie. He was a very dear friend to me and I'm sorry to say he used up his nine lifes... I've found it very hard to deal with the grief so sorry if this isn't funny.

But these recent events have taught me something. This life we live is so god damm short. I look over my life and wonder what the hell have I done with it...and i think I've done nothing of importance really except one thing make my humans happy.

But remeber guys never trust a soddin' vet because I bet that there the highest killer of cats in the world and for me this just confirms the bedtime stories I was told as a kitten. My mum told me that theres a gaint in white with a big pointy thing (syringe) and that if you misbehave and get hurt because of it, you wake on a table with his eyes glaring down at you and then he either injected you or let you go.

I tell you this that story made me behave myself, sorry if this hasn't been that great but will be back to a post on Wednesday and Saturday.

Max x

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Episode 3: Max

Today I want to talk about why the hell I and the other cats in the world community supposedly hate water!!!!

Now me being a very outgoing in the now cat, (I'm not gay) I like to eat fish. Now recently I've been thinking about eating more fish so I have a nice balanced healthy diet, (need to get rid of the Mcdonalds.) but the dilema I've come across is that fish live in water. Apparently cats hate water so how the hell do I get the fish.

Before you ask I've tryed the shops and for some odd reason cats don't get served, Why? I've thought about making a boat but not having posable thumbs makes the task so much harder, probably because I cant hold a hammer.

I've thought about fishing but what kind spear, net, rod, pole, dynamite. I really don't know what to do so if you guys have any tips or suggestions please let me know in the comment section below. (Or you could just give me some nice fishy nom noms)

Have a good weekend guys, Max out xx (tell your friends.)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Episode 2: Max

Right well since of the nice comments from you wonderful furless people, Kane has let me write another blog. (Yay power to the felines.) Anyways today I'm gonna talk about my new year resolutions, It might be a tad late but oh well.

Number 1: Come home and see the humans more, now this might sound stupid but I stay out till stupid hours. When me, Ceefer, Charlie and Bill hit the town theres no stopping us, we party llike a kitten on catnip and coffee. (Which is a great mix, I didn't tell you that.)

Number 2 : Lay off the liquid courage. Now i wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic but I like a little drink...ok a lot of drink, but can you blame me? But the other guys are just bad, I think. If I see the other guys soon I'l find out and maybe one day I might tell you a story of when I had one too many drinks, but only maybe.

Number 3: Try and control the primal instincts. One of the humans got a pet Rat or should I say Rats because there were two at first, and yes I killed one. Don't pull that face and judge me. I think I did the right thingbecause the first Rat escaped and the humans couldn't catch it, (inferior beings.) So in flys super cat Max to save day and get rid of the pest and I did a very good job if I don't say so myself.

So thats it for my new year resolutions, I like to know yours so leave a comment if you would.
Also if you think you know people who would enjoy this please spread the word.

Im off now time to get some nom noms bye.
Max. x

Episode 1: Max

Well where to start kids I've been living in the Chesterfield area for a few years...oh im sorry excuse me where are my manners I'm Max I'm about 8 inches tall and 20 inches long and I am incredibly fury.

Not guessed what I am, well I'm a cat thats right, a cat writing a blog oh my god your thinking well Kane kindly wrote this for me but I gave him the material (not letting him take the credit) so I'm about to give you a account of my day a cats day.

So my day starts like yours dragging myself out of bed except my getting up time varys drastically. Why you ask? Quite simple I have a very active social life. Yes I bet your thinking cats have social lifes, what does he do go to the kitty club and get drunk on milk and vodka? No I don't sorry to dissapoint, you know the screaming noises outside at night thats me and my mates hanging out having a laugh.

After getting up I might hope I get some breakfast, now no offence to my owners but only two people seem to feed me. Kane and his mum and I'm very grateful for that. If I get a chance I'l go out and hunt a field mouse or a bird.

The hunt is one of my favourite past times, the thrill of the chase and the climax of the kill the things that make the hunt fun and entertaining. I know some people say "cats are cruel they torture their prey" blah de blah. Well I say bloody well sod off who the hell are you to judge me you don't even know me, god I hate stereotypes.

After hunting I might go and hang with the guys on the wall or I might hang with the girls eh eh (A cat has his needs). Or I might head back to the house. But theres one tiny, slight problem with that. What you ask?

The sodding humans make sit on that blasted outside windowcill for god damn ages and it drives me mad what did I do wrong? I don't know thats what. I can be sat on the things for 15 to 30 minutes, and I find it bloody unacceptable especially in the recent weather I nearly froze me knackers off yes, the crown jewels nearly froze but I got let in eventually, thank god.

And the last thing I do is curl up some where nice and warm and drift into the sweet land of nodd.

I would like to thank Kane for this opportunity and if you like this please leave a comment and I might give Kane some more material.

Anyways I hope you have a purfect day, toddles.